It's hard not to have him here to help me put up the Christmas tree. To hear his laugh when I get so excited about seeing it lit for the first time. To go shopping for gifts and sit together in our living room while I wrap and he watches. And to hear him laugh again while I make him shake and guess what is in each box. To watch his favorite [The Grinch] and mine [Elf]. It's hard not to have him here during those quiet nights watching tv sipping on hot chocolate with whip cream. I miss hearing him tell me that the first snow has arrived and enjoying the magic of all the little white flakes fall from the sky. I miss him. I miss us. I would give up all my Christmas presents just to have him here with me.
I hate to be the Grinch, but I just wish Christmas would come and go without letting me know it was here. The closer we get to the day the heavier my heart gets. There is no earthly antidote for this broken heart. No amount of family, presents, or even chocolate will mend it. It is so much harder than I thought it would be.
But I know it's only for a season. Even through the sadness and this hardship I know that God is strong when I am weak. I am just thankful to have a God who can ease the hurt that is in my heart and to catch my tears when they fall. I may not be the peppy happy self that I usually am right now but it won't be forever. This season won't last forever. The time will come and go and all I can do is look to the forward to the day that my amazing husband and I can be together again.